Dreams Shattered.

I really don't see the point in trying anymore. Everything I try out for, I don't make it. Today the lists for the people who made concert choir came out. I stayed after school just to see if I made it. Now, singing is something I've always loved and it's my passion. I looked the list over a few times and didn't see my name. My eyes stung so bad because I'd waited all year for this. I went in and thanked my choir director anyway and she apologized and said I have a great voice and was one of the top people. I smiled a little and started walking to my moms car. She stopped me and asked me if she could talk to me in private, we went to the hallway and she said it was hard for her to not add me and that if someone quits or moves away that I get their spot. It made me feel a little better but not really. As I walked to my moms car I started balling. That was the only thing I wanted and of course like everything else, I couldn't have it. ~Dani xx

The girl that no one knows.

I'm the girl that no one knows. Sure you know her shell, the one that shows up to school. That isn't her. No one knows her and no one ever will because she likes to keep everything bottled up. No one knows everything about her or what she's gone through. No one ever will. The day she explodes and leaves her shell is the day you'll say she was your bestfriend. You knew everything about her. No one will ever know her story. She probably won't get the chance to tell it. 

What is love?

Here is a story of a foolish girl. She was almost 16 when she finally got her first boyfriend. She was ex tactic because she didn't think anyone would ever be interested in her. They dated for eight months and she was happy but she wasn't sure if he was the one. He hung around a lot of girls and she found it hard to trust him. There was another girl that liked him but he promised the girl that's he wasn't a threat. The girl ignorantly believed him and they continued the relationship. One day the girl finds out he was cheating on her and her world shatters even more than it was before. He was sexting the non-threat girl behind her back. He expected that she wouldn't find out and went on with the relationship. The girl was so upset that she broke up with him. He texted her telling her he was so upset and sorry and wanted her back because she was the one for him. She dumbly took him back and now she doesn't feel the same as she did in the beginning. She thinks she made a mistake but she doesn't want to hurt him like he hurt her. This is the story of a girls first relationship. She doesn't know what to do because she wasn't raised with an example of a normal relationship. She allows herself to be walked on. She is the girl that no one knows. 

June 2nd

I probably have the most boring blog ever but it's like my online journal. I find that I like this more than having a physical journal. Since the last time I wrote I'm even more depressed. I get out of school on Wednesday and I'm so happy. I can't find the will to have relationships with people and talk to them. I much rather like to isolate myself, it's what I like about summer. I can stay home and not be judged about anything. I don't have to see the people I don't like. I'm trying to not cry as I write this. There is something really wrong with me and I fear I won't make it to be an adult. I'm struggling to find if life is worth the battle. I'm like drowning everyday it feels and I'm getting sick of trying to swim to surface. They say it'll get better in the end, but what if I'm not strong enough to make it there? I try so hard to give up. The funny thing is that if anyone I knew saw this they'd say that I'm being stupid and I don't have it as hard as I act like I do. But they don't know what goes on in my head everyday of my life. I'm shaking and no one notices because they don't care enough. But I don't blame them. -Dani xx

March 13th

I haven't posted in forever, but I need to stop that. I can't just continue to keep everything in, like I always do. It isn't good for me and I know that. If I don't have anyone to talk to where I am, I know I have my blog and followers. Today I've been thinking about how much I miss my two little brothers. Their mom got remarried and I used to babysit for them when they lived in my town.. But then he got a new job and moved them away so that he could take it. I haven't seen them in forever and I'm afraid they forgot about me. They used to make me laugh and smile so much but now the only time I see them is through the pictures their mom posts on facebook. She doesn't really acknowledge my existence and it really hurts. I cried again for them.. I need to see them soon.. I had the itch to cut again and I had a stupid reason for doing so. It just takes my mind of everything. I have no right to even be depressed.. I'm so stupid, many people have it so much worse than I do. I just self pity for no reason I feel like I should be happy. Everyone judges me like oh she should just be normal there are homeless people out there. Yeah, I get it. I just don't know why I have to have depression. It really makes me mad when people say that people are faking depression or using it for attention. What sane person would do that? It's not as amazing as people try to make it seem on TV. I just don't even know what to do anymore. Is being happy even worth fighting for?... ~ Dani xx 

Picture of the day

I chose this picture because it is very true. There has been times where people have hurt me so badly but I just have to smile and act like its nothing just to keep from falling apart and crying. It's a terrible feeling to have.. xx Dani. 

Dec 25th

Merry Christmas you amazing, caring people. I've spent Christmas with my dad's side of the family and it's been okay. I feel really selfish feeling left out because I haven't gotten presents from anyone on this side... I'm going shopping tomorrow with my grandma so maybe I'll get something then. I'm a terrible person, I know but I just can't help but feel left out. I hope 2014 is amazing because it is a fresh start. Things with my boyfriend and I have been going very well, he got me this beautiful necklace as a present. It has two hearts intertwined and I love it so much. I don't go back to school until the second but I hope I get all of my grades back up to A's like before I got sick and missed school. I hope you all have amazing holidays and get everything you ask for. xx Dani.