Picture of the day

Again I apologize for not posting these as often as I'd like. Ill try to start again. I picked a picture for today: 

This really relates to my life, because I may be happy now but life always finds a way of changing that. Maybe because I deserve it or maybe because I'm a horrible person. I know this happiness won't last and ill start cutting more and more. That's the part that scares me. xx -Dani.

June 25th

I have to start posting more. I really apologize, sometimes it just slips my mind. This is the fourth night in a row that I've had a sleepover with my cousin. I like to have her here because it makes me feel less alone and it keeps me busy. Tomorrow I'm staying at my friends house again, the same one that had the birthday party that I went to. I'm excited because I love her and its another way to stay busy. Ill try to post more often. xx -Dani. 

June 23rd

Sorry I haven't posted for what feels like a long time. I haven't had great connection as I was up north for my cousins wedding. It was pretty fun I got to dance and see people I haven't for a while. I went to see the movie monsters university today and it was great. Ill always love kid movies. I'm having a sleepover with my cousin tonight and were having a good time. I enjoy keeping busy because it really does stop me from having bad days. xx -Dani.

June 20th

Today I bought a dress to wear to my cousins wedding. It made me feel more confident even though I'm not the skinniest person alive. I'm still trying to lose weight because I won't feel good about myself until I do. The wedding isn't until Saturday and its a five hour drive so were staying in a hotel after the reception. Tomorrow I'm getting my nails done with my mom and that'll be another bit of a confidence boost. For part of today it was really bad.. I was crying and I relapsed on cutting because it felt like the only thing I could do. Hopefully I get over it... xx -Dani. 

Lyric of the day:

I found some lyrics for today that I really liked, they're from an Ed Sheeran song:

Tell you the truth, I hate what didn't kill me. It never made me stronger at all.

I can relate to these lyrics partly, I feel a little bit stronger from all that I've been through. But really I feel numb, drained, and almost dead. What I've been through has caused me depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. Is that your definition of strong? xx -Dani. 

June 19th

Nothing has really been going on in my life lately, which I guess you could say that's good. I mean, at least nothing bad is happening... I went to my psychiatrist today and she doubled my depression meds because the original dose wasn't really helping. Hopefully this does something for me because I'm sick of living like this. I haven't eaten anything today besides a smoothie, it makes me hope ill be a lot skinnier by the time school starts. I've just been watching a lot of tv and reading, I like to get into other people's worlds since mine sucks. Well, I'm off to start reading a new book. xx -Dani.

Picture of the day:

I found another picture for today and I'm skipping the diary entry for today as nothing has really happened today.

I really like this picture because its something I ask myself a lot. I'm actually not positive if anyone really loves me at all.. Just another insecurity I guess. Who could love someone as messed up as me? It would explain why everyone leaves me, and why I put my walls up. I push everyone away though I don't try. xx -Dani.