Song lyric of the day

I keep singing this song in my head and it's really relevant to my life:


I tear my heart open, I see myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much and the scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.



Reasons why I cut: it's one of the rare times I can actually feel something besides the numbness of my life. Today has already gotten off to a bad start. xx -Dani.

July 31st

I haven't posted in a while which really needs to change because I seem to do better when I post.. My uncle finally lost his battle with cancer the other day he had been fighting it for 15 months. We didn't have a great relationship but I still feel bad. I have the right to, right? I've been staying at my sisters house which has been a bit fun besides my bulimia and cutting has been flaring up. Ill have to go back home the 10th because a couple days after my grandpa has to undergo open heart surgery. I really hope it goes okay because I know I'll get worse if it doesn't. I always find a glimmer of hope that it'll get better but it never does. How long do I have to keep holding on? I'm losing my grip. This guy I'm really into doesn't seem to be into me anymore and that hurts too. There's another guy that keeps complimenting me because all he wants is sex. I just feel so alone most of the time and it really sucks. I'm glad to see I haven't lost any followers, it makes me feel a bit better. xx -Dani.

July 6th

Just when I thought life was getting better my grandfather almost died. He had a heart attack on his 80th birthday. His heart stopped four times and he was air lifted to the hospital. He's in the icu and getting better but he has to have an open heart surgery in a month and I'm afraid he won't make it out of it. I guess I'm not meant to be happy because all of this keeps happening to me... xx -Dani. 

Picture of the day

Again I apologize for not posting these as often as I'd like. Ill try to start again. I picked a picture for today: 

This really relates to my life, because I may be happy now but life always finds a way of changing that. Maybe because I deserve it or maybe because I'm a horrible person. I know this happiness won't last and ill start cutting more and more. That's the part that scares me. xx -Dani.

June 25th

I have to start posting more. I really apologize, sometimes it just slips my mind. This is the fourth night in a row that I've had a sleepover with my cousin. I like to have her here because it makes me feel less alone and it keeps me busy. Tomorrow I'm staying at my friends house again, the same one that had the birthday party that I went to. I'm excited because I love her and its another way to stay busy. Ill try to post more often. xx -Dani. 

June 23rd

Sorry I haven't posted for what feels like a long time. I haven't had great connection as I was up north for my cousins wedding. It was pretty fun I got to dance and see people I haven't for a while. I went to see the movie monsters university today and it was great. Ill always love kid movies. I'm having a sleepover with my cousin tonight and were having a good time. I enjoy keeping busy because it really does stop me from having bad days. xx -Dani.

June 20th

Today I bought a dress to wear to my cousins wedding. It made me feel more confident even though I'm not the skinniest person alive. I'm still trying to lose weight because I won't feel good about myself until I do. The wedding isn't until Saturday and its a five hour drive so were staying in a hotel after the reception. Tomorrow I'm getting my nails done with my mom and that'll be another bit of a confidence boost. For part of today it was really bad.. I was crying and I relapsed on cutting because it felt like the only thing I could do. Hopefully I get over it... xx -Dani.