September 27th

So, I haven't been on recently and I'm going to fix it. I'm determined to. I do much better when I blog about things. So, I started school on my birthday. I'm in the 10th grade now and I'm 16. I'm still haven't ED issues but I'm trying to work on it. I still cut when I cannot control it. It takes my mind off of things. My doctor raised my meds but still someways I feel useless and terrible and as if its going to be this way forever. I've contemplated suicide, but I haven't gone through with it. Thanks for still being subscribed to me, I appreciate it. Thank you to the new followers as well! xx -Dani. 

Picture of the day

I haven't done one of these in a while but I found one that fits my life.. I've been let down and stabbed in the back so many times no wonder I push people away... xx -Dani. 

August 25th

So my grandpas surgery has been postponed because his sodium was too low for them to do it. Which sucks because I know he could be getting worse. As for my kinda bf things are going better and he makes me feel amazing. He raises my self confidence by calling me beautiful and amazing, which I still don't believe but I need to learn to believe. I still cut and I need to stop and I'm still struggling with my eating disorder. I have new glasses coming in the mail as I have lost my old ones like the smooth person I am. People act surprised that I don't tell them things when in all reality I have my reasons. I finally set my guard down and told everything to a friend which was stupid because she didn't care. She acted like she did but she didn't. I meant nothing to her and I now realize that. I guess it's better I found out now rather than later.. Right? School is approaching fast and I'm not happy about it as I start on my birthday, September 3rd. I will be 16 and a sophomore. xx -Dani. 

August 4th

This week has had it's ups and downs. My kinda boyfriend, Connor, seems to make me feel good about myself and he seems really interested in me. Then he switches a flip and acts like he could care less and he doesn't answer my texts. He says he wants to wait to make us official until school starts for reasons he doesn't want to tell me. He can go days without talking to me and it makes me feel like he's embarrassed of me. I mean, I'd be embarrassed to be seen with me too. I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen with us but whenever I say I'm done and ill just forget about it, it never works. I just really like him and I want this to work out but I'm pretty sure I blew it. I always mess everything up and I probably don't deserve a relationship. August is my least favorite month because it's the month my dad committed suicide. On the 14th it'll be the 3 year anniversary of his death. I miss him so much it hurts.. Plus now my grandpa has to have open heart surgery too and if he doesn't come out of it ill spiral even more out of control. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough and if anything good comes in my life it's smashed right away. What's the point of trying to be happy when all it does is make me feel worse? xx -Dani.

Song lyric of the day

I keep singing this song in my head and it's really relevant to my life:


I tear my heart open, I see myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much and the scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.



Reasons why I cut: it's one of the rare times I can actually feel something besides the numbness of my life. Today has already gotten off to a bad start. xx -Dani.

July 31st

I haven't posted in a while which really needs to change because I seem to do better when I post.. My uncle finally lost his battle with cancer the other day he had been fighting it for 15 months. We didn't have a great relationship but I still feel bad. I have the right to, right? I've been staying at my sisters house which has been a bit fun besides my bulimia and cutting has been flaring up. Ill have to go back home the 10th because a couple days after my grandpa has to undergo open heart surgery. I really hope it goes okay because I know I'll get worse if it doesn't. I always find a glimmer of hope that it'll get better but it never does. How long do I have to keep holding on? I'm losing my grip. This guy I'm really into doesn't seem to be into me anymore and that hurts too. There's another guy that keeps complimenting me because all he wants is sex. I just feel so alone most of the time and it really sucks. I'm glad to see I haven't lost any followers, it makes me feel a bit better. xx -Dani.

July 6th

Just when I thought life was getting better my grandfather almost died. He had a heart attack on his 80th birthday. His heart stopped four times and he was air lifted to the hospital. He's in the icu and getting better but he has to have an open heart surgery in a month and I'm afraid he won't make it out of it. I guess I'm not meant to be happy because all of this keeps happening to me... xx -Dani.