June 13th

I know it's early still but I'm not having a great day so I thought I'd just do my diary entry now because I might not come back on today... I slept in today which shocked me because its rare for me to actually get sleep. Then I started to think, which for me isn't good. That lead to cutting multiple times.. Cutting isn't good, I know. But I deserve the pain. Everything that has happened to me is in someway my fault. Right? After that I went to subway... That wasn't a good idea because after I ate it I purged because I felt guilty and ugly for eating it. I need to get back on track with starving myself because I haven't been lately. This was the first time I purged in a while and it felt amazing. I have to be discreet with my eating disorder because I go to my psychiatrist every month and they weigh me everytime. Last time she was catching on to me because I had lost ten pounds in less than a month. I can't afford for her to catch me because I need to keep doing this. My mom is going to her boyfriends tonight which isn't good for me because I know it will result in loud, sad music, crying, and cutting. But my family still insists I'm not depressed. Do you want to see my cuts? I was not misdiagnosed even though you all think so. I fake being happy in front of you all so I don't have to talk about my depression. No one can tell I'm depressed so I guess I'm just an amazing actress. If only I didn't have to act... xx -Dani.